Thursday, November 19, 2015

The Hardest Part

I won't deny, you're one of the best things happened in my life

Somehow my wish came true

And that's the hardest part..

Tuesday, November 17, 2015

Kata-kata Mama dan Surah al-Hadid

Two days ago, right after my last post (I wrote the post in the car, on the way back from family outing), surely mama noticed that I haven't smiled for the day. If I did, it was a fake one. 

She hugged me in the car, and said "Sabar, biar orang buat kat kita. Mama dulu pun banyak sabar masa awal-awal arwah Tok Chik (her late MIL) buat macam-macam kat mama. Kak ham masa bercerai pun, lagi down. Dia lagi laa ada 2 orang anak kecik. Iynas nie mama kira bersyukur takat sampai tunang ja.."

I feel a lot better. I start smiling. A genuine one. 

Had a long chat with my cousin. She's younger than me, but I love her advices on why I become like this and what shall I do to make things right again. Then come my sister, advicing me to recite surah al-Hadid (Iron) so that my heart will be as strong as iron. She did the same after she got divorced. 

Right the next day (yesterday), i recited  surah al-Hadid and its translation after Subuh prayer. Besides ease, I could feel my heart became stronger, not yet as iron coz I just read it once, but I could feel the difference. 

Hence later yesterday, my heart strongly felt that I had to do what I had to do. I could feel the strong push to do it, even after consulting my guy best friend (he's married) and he didn't allow me. 

Alhamdulillah Allah made it easy for me, and I did it. 

Lega. Like you used to say it. 

And ouh, on your wish for my happiness in the world, thanks but no thanks, I wish you the same, plus happiness in the life after. 

Just remember, Allah Maha Adil. We need to think on our action towards others might impact us later. Especially when it involves family. What more a mother's feeling. 

What goes around comes around.

And ouh sure, I have moved on. 


Sunday, November 15, 2015

The smile

I have lost mine..

Seems you have not..

Good for you..

I cried at almost every prayer..

Seems like you're already having fun..

Good for you..

All is well, all is well.

A better wish

When you are the one who think that things are worth fighting for, while the other doesn't..

When you are the one who keep trying to make things work, while the other has stopped..

When the other told you that we shall cross the bridge together when the time comes, but you've been left right before we reach the bridge..

It hurts. Deeply. I won't deny. For i am human who's truly and sincerely has fallen in love..

Ironically, the other was the one who went after you, put a lot of efforts and started to be serious about it. And when you had gone head over heels, the other walks away, saying it has run its course. 

Just like that. 

Easy peasy. Easy come, easy go. Heartbreaker. So proud of it, huh.

Of course, everyone has flaws. But walking away is just too easy.

But then I realized, in pursuing human's love, I have slowly strayed away from Him..the connection with Him slowly fades away..

Perhaps with this trial, He is pulling me back to Him, and I shall be grateful and thankful.

Just like in my day-to-day prayers after solah, "Hanya kepada-Mu aku berbalik".

He is actually granting me my wish. A better wish. 

Thursday, November 12, 2015

"When I said 'I love you', it was honest and I was't lying, but it has run its course"

At first, I don't understand. Especially when the relationship has been brought over to another level. Of course, when both has shown their readiness towards higher commitment - which means, when family are involved.

No big arguments, except towards the ending week - which I had no idea what or where had I done wrong that made him really angry - he finally ended it.

So i googled "run its course" to further understand what does it mean in a relationship - coz I have never experienced this kind of weird situation - hence these are what I found:-

How To Know When A Relationship Has Run Its Course


No one knows exactly why we like or love the people we do? Every relationship starts of well, but how often do we stay in a relationship even though we are not content in it any more? What are the signs that a relationship has run its course?
Perhaps the real mystery of love is that we cannot explain it in words. We can feel it and experience it and for sure “who feels it knows it”,  but there is no real way to explain it to another.
Science now tells us that the initial attraction, and those powerful elated ‘can’t live without you’ feelings come from a group of neurotransmitters in your brain. You know the feelings I’m talking about, after all we have all experienced that first giddy flush of falling in love.
However real those lovestruck emotions are for us, and whatever blissful future we can imagine, the truth is that at the start of any relationship we are really at the mercy our biochemistry.
These feelings can last for weeks, even years and during that time we are often blind to, or ignore behaviours and traits in our partner that would drive us to distraction in another person. Truthfully, we all know that it takes time to really get to know and love someone and sometimes once we do we realize that we are not such a great fit after all.
What makes some people stay?
The trouble for most of us is that once we are in a relationship we find it hard to walk away and end it. I can put my hand up and say in the past I have stayed in relationships for a bunch of wrong reasons, and when we are frightened of moving on it’s easy to make excuses.
Have you ever worried that you were being too picky, or that no-one else will find your attractive or love you every again?  What about the fear of managing financially on your own, or the feeling of not wanting to hurt someone we care about?
Sometimes you can’t quite pinpoint the problem because nothing is really wrong, but them nothing is really right either so we stay put, craving the excitement of those lovestruck feelings and wondering if there is someone better for us out there.
In a relationship, you should bring out the best in one another – right?  You should grow together. When that stops happening and you feel stuck in a rut, if you value what you have with your partner it makes sense to do your best to get things back on track.  If on the other hand you know you’ve tried everything to make it work, and you are still unhappy it sounds like the relationship has run its course.
I believe that most relationships can be saved with the right techniques – after all, no relationship is a walk in the park. They are hard work, and you need to realise that your partner’s sole job isn’t to make you happy. You need to make yourself happy too – but that’s for a different blog post. Let’s look at  the signs that a relationship has run its course.
1- You don’t do things together
Do you avoid doing things with one another? If you’d rather do things with your friends than with your partner, or even alone, then it’s a sign the relationship is over. In the beginning, you probably would have done anything to spend more time with your partner. When you dread spending time with them, it’s a definite warning sign.
2 – You’ve stopped showing affection
The thought of showing affection to your partner makes you feel dishonest. You can’t hug them, kiss them, or hold hands with them without feeling dishonest. You really struggle to show them your love, and you’ve stopped saying you love them too. If you do say it, it’s only to shut them up.
3- You don’t laugh together any more
Two people in a relationship should laugh together constantly. If their humour now makes you cringe rather than smile, you should re-evaluate being with them.
4 -You’ve stopped talking about your day
I bet there was a time in the relationship where you couldn’t wait to tell your partner everything you’d been up to that day – even if it was just what you had for lunch. These days, you’d rather not speak to them at all. Something as simple as talking about lunch could potentially end in a blazing row.
5 -You forget important dates
Anniversaries and Valentine’s days aren’t as important as they were before. You don’t buy gifts, and you hate the thought of them rolling around. You may go as far as even forgetting your anniversary.
6 -You wish you could change them
You can’t change a person. You knew that when you began the relationship. Still, you wish you could change your partner. Maybe you don’t trust them and suspect them of cheating. GPS tracking is an option, but ask yourself: would you feel happier if you could change that one thing, or would you still find something to get annoyed at?
7 – You’re always arguing
Constant arguments shows problems with communication. If you can’t communicate with one another, you’ll always take things the wrong way. If you’re arguing about things now that happened way in the past, it could be time to call it a day. You can’t argue about the past if you want to move forward!
Being in the wrong relationship can be soul destroying over time and can sap the joy out of out our lives.
Even though ending a relationship can be heartbreaking, especially when you really want to get away for some of us the idea of being alone is hard, but it’s better than being with somebody you’re unhappy with wouldn’t you say?
So to close: I believe love is a lesson. It is a part of life. It could be a good, or id could be a bad, but in general it’s better to experience it, then to never know what it is like to have it in the first place.
 Another one:-

5 signs your relationship has run its course

Does your relationship smell a little past the "best used" date? Do you miss your alone time? It could mean your relationship has run its course. Here are 5 signs that your, once interesting, relationship has lost that loving feeling.

Sometimes people hit a point in their current relationship where they start to evaluate things. They begin to wonder whether or not they want to continue with their current relationship or if they want to seek another one. Not every couple is meant to be, but sometimes determine whether or not it's time to move on can be tough. While commitment in a marriage needs to be taken very seriously, these are some things to consider for those who are still in the dating phase.
  • You're bored

    This is when you hit a point where some things have changed. It is one thing to be comfortable with your significant other, but it's another to be bored. You become apathetic about spending time with him, and you want to do other things. If the relationship has gotten a little tedious, then you can spice things up with going to new places and experiencing new things. But when you're bored with the person, it could be a sign that you're ready to move on.
  • You've grown apart

    After a long time of being in a relationship, things change, and people change. While being together was fun, sometimes you both want to go your separate ways. When communication has dwindled, and you find that you and your partner are heading in different directions, it could be time to call it off. When you begin to focus less and less on the relationship and more on yourselves, communication breaks down, and when that's okay with you, chances are it's over.
  • You crave alone time

    Everyone needs his personal space, but when you want space more than you want to see your partner, it's a red flag. When the other person's presence annoys you, and you just want them to leave, that should tell you something. The Huffington Postsummed this up really well in one sentence: "When not being with her made me happier than being with her." Once you hit this point, it's hard to go back.
  • You think about breaking up

    If you're thinking more and more about what it would be like to be single, then you have already started to take yourself out of it. When you start thinking about what it would be like to date others, those options may pull you closer to the answer you already know: you're looking for a way out. When the thought becomes more like a fantasy, you're going to want to make it come true.
  • You don't see it working in the long run

    You've been with your partner for a while, and while things have been good, you can't see things going long term. This may be a sign to end it. Plenty of people have relationships that work well until the question of long-term commitment comes up.
    Cosmopolitan says, "You want out of your relationship because the thought of spending the rest of your life with your current partner makes you shudder." You may have been committed to each other while dating, but if you can't see yourself possibly getting married to that person, or you don't see the two of you being together in the future, there isn't much point in sticking around.
    Not all relationships are meant to work out. That can be a good thing because you get to experience different people to help you find the one you really want to be with. Just because this relationship didn't work out doesn't mean the next one won't. Remember, your life is like a play, some people are main characters throughout and others just make an appearance to help the story progress.
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So 'a relationship has run its course' does happen.

Indeed it is a good experience for me.

But life is a karma.

I leave it to Allah, for surely He is the Most Just and the owner of all hearts.

"Tiada sesuatu pun yang Allah jadikan itu sia-sia"